Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
