anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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