I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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