Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish you could order shots online.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
