Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Fuck appropriateness.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
