Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
