Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
