im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
