But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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