I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
