allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are two peas in an std pod
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
