So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
