genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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