Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Still dying that you shit outside
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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