Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
