i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
