good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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