Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
