you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
