I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
