He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
