and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
