summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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