tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
