Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
