is your mom at the bar?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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