i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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