I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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