oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
