i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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