I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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