yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
