girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
