WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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