Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
