she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this will be a night to untag.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
