i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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