They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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