The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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