We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
