I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
