His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
