I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
