Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
