Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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