When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
