dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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