somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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