i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just found a bag of teeth...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
