So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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