The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
