Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
