You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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