Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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