when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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