As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
