Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Someone shit on the floor
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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