I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
