I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
