I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
