i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
