Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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