Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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