These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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