I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
