are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
