If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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