you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
